Cologne, not the City

It is obvious that the holidays are rapidly approaching. There are several reasons for this observation.

The first is the proliferation of catalogs in the mailbox. Catalogs, both familiar and unfamiliar, have shown up in our mailbox. From Harry & David to Lands End to Jackson & Perkins and others too numerous to mention, they have arrived. Frankly, a few of these arrived because orders have been placed in the past, but most aren’t.

The second is the proliferation of television specials that feature a holiday theme. Shows like A Charlie Brown Christmas and Frosty the Snowman air almost daily. And, of course, even PBS switches out their traditional programming for pledge break programs, often with a holiday theme. Of course, PBS has pledge (break) shows even when it isn’t the holiday time, but I digress.

The last reason (and the reason for the title of this post) is the proliferation of glitzy perfume and cologne commercials. While they are shown at other times of the year, it is prior to the holidays that advertisers really bring them to the forefront.

How do you recognize a perfume commercial? It’s simple. They are artistic without much to determine what the product is. The people in the commercials are dressed sumptuously, the women often wearing jewels. They are almost like mini-movies selling class and wealth. Often, for the woman, empowerment. At the end, the perfume is showcased with a breathy voice announcing the name of the perfume.

One, in particular, has caught my husband’s and my eye. The first time we saw it, I immediately said that it must be a perfume commercial.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because it’s too artsy,” I said. “Too wild, too unrealistic…”

After viewing it a few too many times, we started bantering back and forth, making a mash-up of it with another product.

First, the synopsis of the commercial: A girl is bound in strips of fabric, and she runs away breaking her bonds as she goes. The strips cling to her, trailing behind her, as she runs and breaks through a wall, setting her free. It ends with her standing on a balcony as the sun rises (or possibly, sets). Then a picture of the bottle is shown as the breathy voice-over mentions the name of the perfume. All of this to sell a new generation on this brand.

Okay, now for our warped mash-up. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a mash-up is combining two or more unrelated things together (toy manufacturers actually make toys like this). To us, the strips of fabric really look more like toilet paper. By combining a current toilet paper commercial with this one, a bear, who complains about the poor quality of the hotel’s toilet paper, is chasing a young woman down because she has the good stuff. As she runs away, she breaks free of the paper wrapped around her, escaping from the bear as he collects his toilet paper. No wonder the mother bear is justified in bringing her own toilet paper on vacation.




About pedometergeek

A pharmacist by profession, a haiku poet by nature, I read and write. I have a book of haiku, Ohayo Haiku, and another somewhat alternative haiku book, Three Breaths, but write other genres. I also read...lots of novels! My favorite is, and remains, Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged but I am also a big Harry Potter fan. I truly am a pedometer geek strapping on my pedometer as soon as I awaken.
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2 Responses to Cologne, not the City

  1. Very funny and quirky. I like your mash-ups and wish they were real commercials. Great title!

    Liked by 1 person

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